Fear and Prayer: Do They Go Together?
George McAleer
Are you familiar with contemplative prayer? I thought I was, but when I needed it most, it abandoned me.
Better said, I abandoned it. At fearful times in my life, it seems I abandon all forms of prayer.
I became familiar with contemplative prayer through friends, books, workshops, and visits to Holy Cross
Abbey near Berryville. I found it to be very different from prayer forms I was familiar with, yet one I've slowly
come to enjoy. My definition of contemplative prayer is "coming into the presence of God and listening to Him." I
have found what's best for me is to set aside 20 minutes sitting in a quiet, restful environment and listening to what
the Lord has for me. No, I cannot hear Him audibly. I try to blank out my mind so He can do whatever a God wants
to do
When I first began this, I was asking what the result of these 20 minutes should be. Father Mark, a Trappist
monk at the abbey, told me there was no product to my prayer, nothing to walk away with. But he added my life
could be changed as a result of it. (It has.) But my mind tends to wander during the 20-minute prayer time. He
indicated not to worry about what happens during the 20 minutes. Just be there. I call it the 8th sacrament--the
Sacrament of Showing Up. God is more concerned with my intention of being with Him, and not to my rapt
attention to what's happening.
Back to how it abandoned me; better said, how I abandoned it. I spent a week at Fairfax Hospital in late
June. I had an infection the docs were trying to trace, so I was not in serious condition. (My wife, Joanne, disagrees
with me on the seriousness of my illness.) My Cyrenian friends brought me Eucharist each day; I slept well; and I
ate three good meals each day. So what's my prayer problem you ask?
I thought the week of relative peace and solitude would be a good one for prayer. Twenty minutes each day
for the Lord seemed a rather simple task. Yet I hardly prayed all week, except when Fr. Paul and Cyrenian friends
stopped by for a few minutes.
Why didn't I pray more often? I think it was fear; I was afraid. Too often I want to present an image of one
who is in control of everything going on around me. Well, it simply isn't true. Yes, I know this Lord of mine is in
charge, but I've come to realize that more often I'm not praying to Him. I hope He knows this fear I have. No one
else does.
I believe the reality of it all is the weeks and months of my life when I
do pray. It prepares me for times
when prayer doesn't come so easily. I remember during my flying years practicing emergency procedures over and
over in case an urgent situation occurred in flight. They did happen and my response was automatic; I never thought
twice about what to do.
Do you think I was praying in my own way the best I could this past week--"emergency procedure" prayers?
Maybe I was and didn't know it. I like to think I was on automatic, like my emergency procedures when I was
flying. Hopefully the days and weeks of "regular prayer" prepare one for the fearful, difficult times in our lives when
we can't pray.
This God of ours can do anything. Thirty-some years ago He showed up many times when I needed Him in
wartime flying situations. I'm convinced He continues to do so today.
George McAleer
Postscript
I shared this with a group of Christians a few days after my hospital release. When I finished telling them
what you've just read, one of the men said he disagreed that no prayer was going in my life that week. The two times
he visited me in the hospital, he recalled me greeting all the nurses, aides, technicians, and food servers by their first
names, doing it authentically and with a positive, optimistic outlook.
I thought about what this man said. Do you think this was the Lord sharing His presence to the world through me?
My friend, Ed thinks so. Hmmmm, I wonder?
| 
