Pauline Ferguson

As we came to the end of summer, and now in the wake of the recent terrorist attacks, I thought it fitting to reflect upon the time spent with friends and cherish the moments. Like the disciples of Christ meeting together in the upper room, talking and sharing with each other, here we come together to do the same as friends on the journey toward the kingdom of God.

Christian friendships are a gift from God, and they have a Scriptural basis. God planned for them to happen and He meant for us to be a blessing to one another. Sirach says in chapter 6:14, “Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one has found a treasure.” And, Sirach 25:1 further states, “With three things I am delighted, for they are pleasing to the Lord and to men: harmony among brethren, friendship among neighbors, and the mutual love of husband and wife.”

When we think about friendship, it is important to recognize the spiritual dimension that is part of every relationship. What could be a clearer sign of how much God loves us than the Witness of His people upholding one another and sharing their lives with each other, in bad times as well as good.

On the one hand, The Holy Spirit is at work encouraging us to love, to forgive, and to support one another. God also places us in different people’s paths for a reason. Wherever our journey, we are here to help each other get through life. We also need to be aware that the evil one is at work sowing seeds of jealousy, resentment, and mistrust. He knows that if he can destroy friendships, he can weaken the body of Christ. All too often, we fail to see this, and thus do not pray or ask the Holy Spirit for help to keep on guard against the snares of Satan.

We all know how difficult it can be to establish and maintain close friendships, especially when one or the other of us experiences times of trial. We also know how rewarding it is to have a friendship that can stand the test of time and bring glory to God by reflecting His love to others.

It is such a comfort and joy to have someone to speak with on terms of equality and without judgment or fear to confess our failings or our progress and triumph over problems. Proverbs chapter 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and brothers are born to share adversity.” Second Corinthians chapter 1:3-4 says, “Blessed be God the Father and Son of Mercy who comforts us in all our trials so that we may also comfort others who are in distress.”

Aelred of Rievaulx, who wrote about the Blessings of Friendship, says, “Friendship heightens the joys of prosperity and mitigates the sorrows of adversity.” Is a friend going through a difficult time – perhaps a painful illness, financial troubles, or death in the family? Is someone you know struggling with disappointment or betrayal by another? We should not distance ourselves; rather, we need to support them in any way we can, even if just to listen. Remember how present and faithful Jesus has been to us. Also, Jesus held the status of friendship in high regard and considered us as such.

St. Francis de Sales points out, however, that “true and living friendship cannot endure in the midst of sins,” i.e., cheating, deception, stealing or gossip, etc. “ If it is just a passing sin, friendship puts it to flight at once by correction”, ie., apologize, heart to heart talk, etc. “ But if sin stays and settles down, immediately friendship perishes because it can be kept up only by true virtue.” Christian friendship is extremely important as a source of support in this secular world, with all its distractions and misdirection. We should appreciate these friendships and not take them for granted. We, too, must work on being a good friend ourselves. What do we do to improve, sustain, or encourage friendships? Are we committed or do we really care? Are we sincere or do we make excuses? Do we reach out to others even when it is inconvenient? What’s it going to cost us? A little time, effort, or money?

C. S. Lewis warns that “to love is to be vulnerable,” and it will hurt at times. However, life without love means a life of cold, emptiness, and no meaning.

Society often encourages people, especially men, to keep their guard up and remain distant. However, Jesus never intended His people to serve him in isolation, but to band together, whether as intercessors, servants to the poor, or sharers of the Gospel, etc. He sent us out two by two. The first believers were able to band together and offer each other support and blessing. They spent time together meeting and visiting in the upper room or in the temple. They broke bread, shared their lives or experiences, and praised God together. Know that as you become faithful, you become ministers of Jesus’ peace, hope, and healing to others. How have you been a friend to others? How has someone been a friend to you?

At this point, I’d like to tell you a little about a friend, a married couple, who were so warm and welcoming to us and our family when we first moved to town and to this large church almost 10 years ago. We were in the military, and being from the south, homesick and a long ways away from family, this was the last place we wanted to be with all its hectic way of life.

This couple, we met at church, had a large family of their own with challenges enough to keep anyone busy. They were the typical middle class family trying to meet all the financial requirements of this area. However, they took the time to visit us and invite us to various family gatherings and church socials. In addition, they volunteered in several church activities, one being CCD and the other being CYO sports. Even though their own children were grown and no longer in CCD or CYO, they took the time to coach our children in sports, and many other children as well, not just one year, but several. They were so comforting and cheerful. Everyone liked to be around them. They just exuded the joy and spirit of Christ. And, for this we are thankful, for the extension of God’s goodness to us through them. These acts of friendship encourage us even more to pass it on to others for love of God. We are still good friends and they continue to reach out and serve in so many ways.

A relationship based on the love of Jesus is a tremendous source of stability, comfort, and encouragement. Together with prayer and service to others, we build up the kingdom of God. What kind of community do we want? How much are we willing to do?

A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love, and encourages you with hope. May you always enjoy the blessings of Christian friendship.

Sources

The Word Among Us, July 2001 issue.
The Four Loves, by C. S. Lewis; 1960.

The Blessings of Christian Friendship